just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Randomize