Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
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Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
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They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
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