I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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