your parents love me but you hate me
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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