wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
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