The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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