eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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