you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize