He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
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