spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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