I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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