remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize