I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Pants are for mortals
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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