btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Randomize