Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
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