there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
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