i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize