Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
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