Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize