Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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