Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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