We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize