you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
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Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
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