The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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