i jhust puked up my retainher.
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
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