My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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