Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize