i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
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