he wants to bone in the snuggie
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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