after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
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