I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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