Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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