He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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