at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
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Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
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Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
there is puke in my bra ... again
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