I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
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