marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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