3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize