I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
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I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
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Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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