i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
you win again, gameday.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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