So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
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He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
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I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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