Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
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Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
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I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
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