I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Randomize