I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
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you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
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He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize