I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
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she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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