I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Randomize