forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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