it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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