So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize