I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
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it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
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I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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