I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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